Monthly Archives: August 2012

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Toys of the 80s

Remember the 80s? If you’re my age (mid-30s), you grew up with Transformers, GI Joe, My Little Pony, He-Man, and so many more. In particular, though, I’m thinking of Transformers here.

In the last few years, we’ve seen a resurgence of interest in the Transformers. I couldn’t tell you how many toys my husband and I have purchased in the last several years. We are their secondary market, with the primary still being kids of course. We are the first kids they marketed to with their thirty minute commercials with a feel good lesson at the end.

Who could have imagined that marketing done twenty-five to thirty years ago could have been so effective that those same kids, who now have disposable income, are still handing money (fist over fist) for the same things we wanted as children!

And even more interesting; we’ve done this to ourselves! We were so deeply touched by those cartoons and toys back then that we brought them back ourselves! The same kids who watched those cartoons and played with those toys are the same as the adults making the new ones.

We are the first generation to have this kind of echo marketing with mass media showing us what we’re going to become. It’s strangely fabulous!

In case you were wondering, I have several Starscream toys, a whole mess of little My Little Ponies (Friendship is Magic), lots of Barbies, and crapton of Lego. 😀

Here’s my latest Barbie additions, btw:


Still working out the Lexapro thing…

Well, I googled “what did I do wrong today?” and there wasn’t really an answer. So either Google has failed me, or I didn’t do anything that wrong and my brain is just toying with me. That jerk.

Lexapro Withdrawal

I’ve been on Lexapro since shortly after my childhood best friend got married. That was the breaking point for me, the realization that the Paxil just wasn’t doing what it needed to be doing. That was in 2003. We switched me over to Lexapro. Paxil withdrawal was hell. It nearly killed me, and that’s no metaphor. There was a night where, (yes, as a 27 year old) I was sitting at the family kitchen table with a bottle of Tylenol, wanting to take them all, but knowing how miserable a death it would be, so I crawled in bed with my mommy and cried. Those days are better learned from and then forgotten.

On to now… (this gets a little long)
Read More

Reading is Fundamental

I hope everyone knows this phrase: Reading is Fundamental. Back in my day, we had days in the library where we could choose a free book. (Does that even happen anymore?) Anyway, the point is not about free books, even though those are totally awesome. Or about the equally awesome Scholastic book fairs. This is about people (who are of an age to know better) not knowing how to read.

This week, in the internets, a website was killed. It didn’t die, it was flat out murdered, in cold blood by people who write and therefore should be able to read.

First of all, I’m going to leave this link right here. It is the Help page for lending books. OH MY GOD! AMAZON IS HELPING PEOPLE STEAL!?!? (I hope your sarcasm detector pegged there…)

LendInk was a website, much like MeetUp, where people with similar tastes could lend their digital books. It made connections. We should be used to that, what with Facebook being so bloody popular. So, say that Josephine Person wanted to read a book by someone and that book was lendable via Amazon or B&N. This website would find her a person, say Jack Otherperson, who had the book and hadn’t lent it to anyone. Jack and Josephine would be able to contact each other and then Jack could lend the book to Josephine through the website where he purchased the book. If Jack lends his copy to Josephine, he can’t lend it again later to anyone else but after 2 weeks, he gets it back. Is this really that hard to understand?

I’m going to complain about a few specific points here, so if Amazon Direct Publishing doesn’t interest you, here’s some pictures of cats.

My e-book is lendable. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that my paperback version is too. Ha ha. Do you know why it’s lendable? Because that is part of the contract I signed with Amazon to publish the Kindle version. Do you know how I know that? Because I read all of the terms of the agreement.

Why did I read all of the terms? Because this is my book. And I read it again this week, just in case something had changed. Why? Because this is my book. And as a self-published author, it’s my responsibility to read contracts and protect my copyright. No one else does this for me.

Here’s the part that is really ridiculous. This lending could have been making money for the authors, if they had been paying attention. As part of the KDP Select program, authors make money when their books are borrowed through the Amazon Prime program. You have to opt-in (because heavens forbid you might have to opt-out when you sign up for something).

Since this is really getting out of hand, here’s the tl;dr:
Many writers, who we expect to be masters of word and context, are apparently just stupid.
Here’s a list of some of them: LendInk taken down by asshole indie authors.

In conclusion (because you’ve ever heard me speak the last on anything), borrow my book, lend out my book, ask me for a free copy of my book. I just want it read.

A new word

Yes, I’m doing it. I’ve just coined the term “twitiocy” for cases of twitter related idiocy. I’ll be in the urban dictionary some day, just you watch.

Lexapro Update

There is a feeling, one that you know if you’ve had and one that you would never miss if you never had it. I’m feeling it now and it’s been a long long time since I’ve dealt with it. That feeling where something is coming and you don’t know what it’s about, but you are one hundred percent sure that it’s because of something you did, even though you absolutely know it’s not.

It sits coiled in my belly, gnawing and eating. It waits, simply enjoying the feelings it’s generating in me. It knows that sleep will not come easily tonight because of it. And it delights in the fact that only time will relieve it’s power over me.

I knew it would be hard, getting off this drug. I knew I would have to deal with feelings that I’ve not had for a while. But really, it’s made all the worse by my knowing, by my being sure, that these feelings aren’t real, that they are because of something wrong with me. But how do I conquer them, without my pills? There has to be a way. What is it?

To be honest, it feels like spiritual oppression. Prayer does alleviate it, but only for a little while, when the cycle must start over. And it’s hard to deal with, having to constantly rely on God, but in the end, isn’t that exactly what we’re supposed to do?

Current dosage: 5mg
Last dosage change: 7 days ago

Listening: Transformers Prime
Mood: Struggling

Such a busy week

Many things have been happening all across the world this week. Busy busy busy times. We’ve got the Olympics and gold medalists being taxed for the gold in their medals. We’ve got the Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson break-up. We’ve got the Colorado-shooter MK Ultra conspiracy thing continually unraveling. And don’t forget about Chik Fil A (who has the most delicious peach milkshakes right now!).

I am struck by how little I care about these things right now. I’m on my second step down of Lexapro (currently 5mg), which is making things extremely tough. There were a couple days at work where I spent the whole day on the verge of tears for absolutely no reason. I’m doing mostly OK, but it’s very hard. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s the medication doing these things, not my friends or co-workers or me. Just the drugs. I have to keep telling myself to give it time, that it’s too soon to know if I can do this without the medication. And honestly, it doesn’t help that much.

I had a complete blood test this week. Good results. My cholesterol is better (from my last test in January) and my results are actually normal (imagine that, me: normal). This is probably the healthiest I’ve been in the last 10 years, though I’ve put about ten pounds back on since my surgery in December (I lost 10 pounds over the course of the whole disc herniation debacle). So really, I’m back where I was BEFORE the back problems started. A whole year wasted there, though. As a side note to this paragraph, I had the best phlebotomist since Jennifer at my old doctor’s office. She got the puncture in one shot and no bruising. Fantastic!

The rest of my days have been work and sleep, repeat as needed. It seems like a daily struggle against myself and fighting bad thoughts that have been the reason I’ve been on meds for the last decade. Not quite ready to blog about why getting off them is so important to me right now.

One other interesting thing from the internet that I want to put here for you, to pick up or not as you wish: Reddit has a schocking and open discussion about sexual assault, from the perspective of the assaulter.

Music: Sophie Ellis Bextor – Murder on the Dancefloor
Mood: Struggling with what’s reality and not