Monthly Archives: December 2012

Merry Christmas everyone.

All I really have to say about the season this year is that I’m glad it’s over.

OK, so it’s Christmas time. I’ve been trying to ignore it for the most part. I put up my tree, and I did my cards. I’ve gone to church to observe advent every Sunday. We saw the Christmas Pageant at church today. I’ve baked cookies. But it’s not Christmas.

I don’t want to do this any more. Even last night, I asked my husband if this was a mistake and Mom really was gone. I’m so stressed out from work that I’m starting to shut down. I so desperately want to just stay home and stay in bed. But I know that’s part of my depression speaking. I’m taking my Zoloft and Buspar as directed. But I’m barely hanging on.

I’m so tired. I’m really good at faking it, and I have been for a long time. But there’s cracks showing in my facade and they’re getting bigger. I’m tired of the expectations of me exceeding my appointment. I just want to be Jenny, but there’s so much in the way of me being her again. I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.