I love food. Dear God, do I love food. I especially love sweet things and salty crunchy things.
So the worst part of this being healthy thing is the lowered intake of calories.
I don’t mind not drinking soda. There are other delicious substitutes for it (Vitamin Water Zero being my favorite). But it’s really hard to always substitute celery, carrots, and crackers for doritos and chocolate peanut chex mix. Actually, it’s not that hard during the day at work, but it’s really hard over the weekends. I bought some baked Lays this weekend, just so I could have some chips and not feel totally guilty.
When I was looking at the store for something sweet, I looked at all the cookie boxes. Three cookies for 200 calories. Eight fucking Nilla Wafers for 200 calories. I felt like I was trying to kill myself because, let’s be honest, my body isn’t used to eating like this yet. I felt so sad.
I used to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I maintained my current weight fairly well. But maintaining doesn’t get you into a nice dress. Maintaining doesn’t make you sleep better because you don’t hate yourself quite as much. Maintaining isn’t healthy enough.
So, I broke down and got some Breyers Smooth & Dreamy ice cream cookies (160 calories each). God those are good.
I feel a little better tonight. We cooked some hamburgers (very lean) – even though I didn’t get to grill because of the weather – and they were very good. I ate my baked Lays. I ate my ice cream sandwich. I feel full and less depressed (yes, I’m taking my Lexapro as normal). But I don’t think this weekend was good for me. And I’m a little glad to be going back to work tomorrow, so I can’t obsess about the food in my fridge and pantry.
What’ll happen next week, when I’m on vacation?
