Category Archives: King Of Kings

Book Update; entry 4

Apparently, I skipped listing a book here that I finished previously, so I will amend that now. Caution, please note that in my second “review,” I do diverge a little into some Christian theology that not everyone will agree with. Also, apparently I am feeling wordy today.

9. Ghost Ship – Star Trek: TNG #1
I may have neglected to mention this one because it was… not good. I have to give it a little slack given that the author had basically zero character info before writing it (it was written before the first episode aired and all she had was the script for Encounter at Farpoint and some character notes). But there are some characteristically un-Star Trek things about it as well. The most prominent one is the racism that Troi feels (even though it is completely unwarranted) due to her mother’s side being Betazoid – the term “mind-slut” still really sticks out and I finished this book almost a month ago and have read three things since. That’s really outside the vision of Roddenberry’s world. Really. Trust me on this. The other thing that bothered me was Data’s use of contractions – sporadic and wrong. But no matter how you slice it, it was a decent ST:TNG story – if you take the story alone and take out the characterization problems. To sum up, I didn’t throw the book across the room, which is a good thing.

10. Forsaking All Others
This is the second book (in the series of 2?) about Camilla Fox and her life (and unfortunate plural marriage) in the early days of the Mormon church. I devoured this book, just like I did the first one. Allison Pittman is a very good writer, and a good Christian writer too. I am very picky about the Christian fiction that I read, I don’t know why.

(Warning, below this line lies my thoughts on theological things…)
I also realized why marriage has always been held up as the relationship between Christ (the bridegroom) and the Church (his bride). John 14:6 coupled with Ephesians 5:22-33 shows us that in the divine sense, there is only one bride for Christ ∴ there should be only one bride for a man. I think the idea of marriage as a model for the relationship between us and our savior is a beautiful concept and one we should keep in mind.

my read shelf:
J.'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

Book Update; entry 3

7. This Present Darkness

8. All Living

Both highly recommended if you’re into christian fiction. There’s a reason Frank Peretti is “a name”. 🙂

my read shelf:
J.'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

Brand New Day

I love Fireflight, especially their Unbreakable album. But tonight, listening to Brand New Day (song above), my heart broke anew. Because of Mom.

And I can hear You say
It’s a brand new day
The pain goes away
I’m headed for the door
And I’m going home

She’s home. And I’m missing her. And I’m feeling disconnected from the world, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But, the pain’s not going away, even though it is a brand new day.

There are still things that make me think that things will never be good again, that I can never do anything new again, because I can’t share it with her. But for the most part, things are OK and that scares me.

Pain is an old friend. And while my grief and grieving is new, these feelings are not. Depression felt a lot like this and these echoes are familiar. I’m not familiar with the other end of the spectrum and so I feel guilty when the sadness is not there.

Crying in the shower is not as counterproductive as it sounds.

Lexapro Update

There is a feeling, one that you know if you’ve had and one that you would never miss if you never had it. I’m feeling it now and it’s been a long long time since I’ve dealt with it. That feeling where something is coming and you don’t know what it’s about, but you are one hundred percent sure that it’s because of something you did, even though you absolutely know it’s not.

It sits coiled in my belly, gnawing and eating. It waits, simply enjoying the feelings it’s generating in me. It knows that sleep will not come easily tonight because of it. And it delights in the fact that only time will relieve it’s power over me.

I knew it would be hard, getting off this drug. I knew I would have to deal with feelings that I’ve not had for a while. But really, it’s made all the worse by my knowing, by my being sure, that these feelings aren’t real, that they are because of something wrong with me. But how do I conquer them, without my pills? There has to be a way. What is it?

To be honest, it feels like spiritual oppression. Prayer does alleviate it, but only for a little while, when the cycle must start over. And it’s hard to deal with, having to constantly rely on God, but in the end, isn’t that exactly what we’re supposed to do?

Current dosage: 5mg
Last dosage change: 7 days ago

Listening: Transformers Prime
Mood: Struggling