Category Archives: The Week In Review

Election 2016, thoughts

A few thoughts and I’m done thinking about this. I have to move on, I have enough on my plate that I can’t worry about the idiocy of 50+ million people.

1 – If you voted for Hillary just because she’s a woman, that’s terrible and you should not play politics until you understand that the candidates gender means NOTHING. It’s about policy and lies and morals and ethics. If you think she would have made a great role model for your daughters, which I don’t, you weren’t paying attention when her husband cheated on her and she stood by his side supporting his corruption. You weren’t paying attention when people died. You weren’t paying attention when she lied to our faces. And you weren’t paying attention when she colluded with others to shut out Sanders.

2 – Sin legislature doesn’t work – you can pass laws against abortion, gay marriage, drug use, and so on, but it doesn’t matter – if people want it, they will have it, legal or not. Give up on trying to legislate sin. See also: prohibition.

3 – What happened is exactly what we should have expected, it’s what our culture has been asking for. You can only shout into the echo chamber so much before the only thing you hear is yourself. You are not alone in this world, and no one has to agree with anything you say. If we all agreed with each other, imagine how boring and stagnating this world would be. When we become so offended by another person’s very breath, this is the backlash.

4 – The goal is smaller government, not bigger government. The more laws you make, the more restrictions you place, the worse things are for everyone. You can’t say that we can make a choice but then say your only choice is horseshit or bullshit. That’s not choice.

5 – Nothing is going to change in the big picture. The world today is the same as it was last week. Let’s be honest. The only thing to change in the last 8 years is the sad state of health case. No one is going to have to wear yellow patches. They’re not going to round up people into gay camps.

So, what am I going to tell my daughter about this?
1. I’m going to tell her not to aim for president, because she needs to be an astronaut so she doesn’t have to live on this planet anymore.
2. I’m going to tell her that we have a media problem and that she shouldn’t believe everything she hears, that she needs to do her own research and make her own decisions, and to turn off the damned talking heads.
3. I’m going to tell her that just because 50+ million people think something is right, that doesn’t make that true.
4. I’m going to tell her that I’m not afraid of what’s to come.
5. I’m going to tell her to vote her conscience because she has to be able to look at herself in the mirror every day and know she made the right statement.
6. I’m going to tell her to work hard, do the right thing, stand up for what she believes in, and do what she can to make the world a better place.

I have disabled comments because, as I mentioned above, I am done with this. It’s time to move on. I will not respond any further on this topic.

Weird Al Week!

This week was one of the best weeks of the year. It was Weird Al week!

On Wednesday, we did this:


Yes, we went to Eastside 9 and saw UHF on the big screen. This year is the 25th anniversary of the filing of UHF. Weird Al did a Q&A afterwards, and Paul got a high five from Weird Al as he came down the main aisle! Yes, it was as awesome as you think it was.

Then on Friday:


We sat in the middle of the center of the theater at Elliot Hall of Music, and it was perfection! (Props to Patrice and Brandon for getting us such great seats!)

And Weird Al was as perfect as ever!

(Wanna B Ur Lovr, Weird Al :picture by Patrice)


This weekend, my anxiety is overwhelming me. I feel hot, my heart is beating too hard, my bad thoughts won’t stop, my regret and guilt over tiny things is excessive.

I am so tired.

All I want to do is cuddle with my cat, who is sick and needs special food and monitoring and so on. I am terribly worried about her; what will I do when I lose her? It’s breaking my heart.

My back has been bothering me again, with some burning and tingling in my left leg sometimes.

All of this is just overwhelming me right now. I feel like I’m crying every night (which I might be) and I haven’t slept well in weeks. The littlest thing is tipping me over the edge. And I wish it would stop.

But there’s no clearly marked exit here… And even if I could find it, I think it’s locked.

Getting Back on Track

Though I’m still heavily entrenched in my grief, it’s time to at least attempt to get my life back on track. I can’t stay stopped here, even though I long to stay or even go back in time. That’s not possible, and there are other people that I have to think and care about. It is for them that I push on.

I wrote a poem for the first time in months last night. No one besides my husband may ever read it, but it matters that I’ve done it. I’ve broken through… something.

At any rate, time marches on.

Read More

it’s been 2 weeks

this has been the hardest two weeks of my life.

tonight, i sit here, and i still get that cold pressing feeling in my chest that radiates out into my arms and stomach, gripping panic attack feelings.

i’ve been writing letters to my mom in a paper journal. quaint, i know, but i can’t type it, i have to write it.

i’m lost right now. i can’t read, i can’t write, i can’t listen to music. i can watch tv and listen to talking radio and brainless pop music.

i’m so tired. and i hurt. and i can’t distract myself all of the time, but you know what…

very few people have written articles online about dealing with grief while ALSO dealing with clinical depression. in fact, this is the only one i’ve found. (if you known of any others, please share!) everything has to do with how similar the two things are. I HAVE BOTH, WHERE IS MY HELP? strangely, i’m doing OK on my meds, as long as i take my anxiety meds before work and before bed like i’m supposed to…

i feel so random, but i need to vent without crying for a minute. thanks for hanging in there with me.

Another week in review… is this getting lame?

Visited Mom at rehab. The amount of progress she’s made this week is amazing. It was so nice to see her sitting in the chair in real clothes! She will probably be going home mid-week this week.

Took a sick day this last week, I need to start feeling better soon. I will probably have to speak with my doctor again about my meds since I’m still not functioning as well as I was before. Though I did find a vitamin that suits my needs that does not contain iron. I’m convinced that iron is evil, since it makes me feel like crap when I take it.

I had Chinese food from my favorite place this weekend (Happy China). That makes me happy. I had General Tso’s chicken and crab rangoon. Yumm.

I also purchased a discounted Acer laptop to serve as an interim computer until I can be happy with a new HP purchase. Also, it will give me some time to perhaps get over my Intel related prejudices.

In closing, here’s a link to a horrible person’s email. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say: who the hell needs friends like that? What a bitch.

Vow Renewal, surgery, week in review

It’s been an insanely busy week. On Monday, Mom had a total knee replacement on her left knee. It’s been hard for everyone. She’s in a lot of pain, but it’s getting better. It’s hard to see Mom that way.

Yesterday, we went to see Paul’s cousins renew their wedding vows. Long drive, family things, then long drive. I’m exhausted, but I haven’t had any time for sleep. Either way, here’s a couple pics:
Read More

Such a busy week

Many things have been happening all across the world this week. Busy busy busy times. We’ve got the Olympics and gold medalists being taxed for the gold in their medals. We’ve got the Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson break-up. We’ve got the Colorado-shooter MK Ultra conspiracy thing continually unraveling. And don’t forget about Chik Fil A (who has the most delicious peach milkshakes right now!).

I am struck by how little I care about these things right now. I’m on my second step down of Lexapro (currently 5mg), which is making things extremely tough. There were a couple days at work where I spent the whole day on the verge of tears for absolutely no reason. I’m doing mostly OK, but it’s very hard. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s the medication doing these things, not my friends or co-workers or me. Just the drugs. I have to keep telling myself to give it time, that it’s too soon to know if I can do this without the medication. And honestly, it doesn’t help that much.

I had a complete blood test this week. Good results. My cholesterol is better (from my last test in January) and my results are actually normal (imagine that, me: normal). This is probably the healthiest I’ve been in the last 10 years, though I’ve put about ten pounds back on since my surgery in December (I lost 10 pounds over the course of the whole disc herniation debacle). So really, I’m back where I was BEFORE the back problems started. A whole year wasted there, though. As a side note to this paragraph, I had the best phlebotomist since Jennifer at my old doctor’s office. She got the puncture in one shot and no bruising. Fantastic!

The rest of my days have been work and sleep, repeat as needed. It seems like a daily struggle against myself and fighting bad thoughts that have been the reason I’ve been on meds for the last decade. Not quite ready to blog about why getting off them is so important to me right now.

One other interesting thing from the internet that I want to put here for you, to pick up or not as you wish: Reddit has a schocking and open discussion about sexual assault, from the perspective of the assaulter.

Music: Sophie Ellis Bextor – Murder on the Dancefloor
Mood: Struggling with what’s reality and not