Weird Al Week!

This week was one of the best weeks of the year. It was Weird Al week!

On Wednesday, we did this:


Yes, we went to Eastside 9 and saw UHF on the big screen. This year is the 25th anniversary of the filing of UHF. Weird Al did a Q&A afterwards, and Paul got a high five from Weird Al as he came down the main aisle! Yes, it was as awesome as you think it was.

Then on Friday:


We sat in the middle of the center of the theater at Elliot Hall of Music, and it was perfection! (Props to Patrice and Brandon for getting us such great seats!)

And Weird Al was as perfect as ever!

(Wanna B Ur Lovr, Weird Al :picture by Patrice)


Today was a hard one. I kept thinking about Mom on and off all day. All because of a stupid crossword puzzle. I don’t remember the clue, but the answer was LOVE.

Part of the difficulty lies in that I had nothing left unsaid to her, all I would say to her now is stuff since then. How could I have been so lucky that our last words to each other were “I love you”? I have nothing to regret but that she’s gone.

This link was posted today to reddit and I wanted to save it, but not in my bookmarks because then I’ll see it all the time. 64 Things About Grief

My first birthday without Mom was a couple weeks ago. I came away with this thought: birth is that first step of moving away from your mother and death is the last.

I miss you, Mom, so very much.

Where’d the time go?

Been busy, very busy, for a while, what with Gen Con and school starting.

Still trying to figure out if I’m doing NaNoWriMo this year.

Gen Con post and pics still forthcoming, if I ever get a few minutes to sit down and do it.

Watching season 5 of Angel, and enjoying it since it’s “new to me”.

For now….


This weekend, my anxiety is overwhelming me. I feel hot, my heart is beating too hard, my bad thoughts won’t stop, my regret and guilt over tiny things is excessive.

I am so tired.

All I want to do is cuddle with my cat, who is sick and needs special food and monitoring and so on. I am terribly worried about her; what will I do when I lose her? It’s breaking my heart.

My back has been bothering me again, with some burning and tingling in my left leg sometimes.

All of this is just overwhelming me right now. I feel like I’m crying every night (which I might be) and I haven’t slept well in weeks. The littlest thing is tipping me over the edge. And I wish it would stop.

But there’s no clearly marked exit here… And even if I could find it, I think it’s locked.

Chocolate Amaretto Pie

Chocolate Amaretto Pies

Chocolate Amaretto Pies

As promised on Facebook, here is my chocolate amaretto pie recipe!

In the picture above, the one with the chocolate drizzle is made with dark chocolate (the chocolate drizzle is just 2oz. of melted dark chocolate, left over from the pie).

First the crust!
The crust is mind-bendingly easy!
1 cup of flour
3 tablespoons of powdered sugar
6 tablespoons of butter (soft)

Mix all together and press into a pie tin. I’ve found that butter a little melted in the microwave (or my kitchen on a brutally hot day) works better than just room temperature. It’s just easier to mix and press. Be careful of the bend in the pan, and not to make it too thick there!

Oven = 400 degrees, 8-10 minutes until golden.

The filling (the best part!)

12 tablespoons (¾ cup) of soft butter (at least room temp.)
1 cup of sugar (granulated)
2 oz. baking chocolate (I used Ghirardelli * see pics below)
2 tablespoons Amaretto (I used Amaretto di Amore * see pic below)
3 eggs


Cream the butter and sugar.
Add the melted chocolate and amaretto, cream again.
Add 1 egg at a time, mixing for at least 2 minutes between each! (This is so very important, or you will have a grainy pie filling!)

Put filling in cooled pie crust (must be room temperature). Put in fridge for at least 3-4 hours before serving.

A couple notes:
This will melt in a hot car.
There will likely be around a ½ cup of filling left over. Eat this.
Seriously, add those eggs one at a time and mix for at least 2 minutes.

Ghiradelli Dark

Ghiradelli Dark

Ghiradelli SemiSweet

Ghiradelli SemiSweet

Amaretto di Amore

Amaretto di Amore

Still chugging along. I think I can, I think I can…

I want to write rage filled posts. I want to force people to shut up. I want to just be left alone. And yet, no.

I’m tired. I’m still sad. I’m still mourning. I’m trying to move on and live.

The last few days, I’ve just wanted to cry. I’ve been crying, but it’s not enough. I miss my mom so much.

This week was my the forty seventh anniversary of my parents’ marriage. I have a couple of their wedding pictures in my bedroom, on the photo board. I love the way they look at each other. You can see how much they love each other. And my heart is broken because that’s gone.

For a while, I was doing ok. I was a little in awe of how we can get used to not having someone in our lives so suddenly. And then a week later, you can feel that hurt so acutely… it’s almost new. I can still feel that scream ripping out of my throat that morning, the waves of panic washing over me.

I still want to wake up and have all this be a nightmare. But I know I won’t.

Book Update; entry 9

23. Children of Hamlin (ST:TNG 3)
This one was better than the previous two in the series, the characters felt more like themselves. The story was somewhat irritating in its vagueness throughout; it’s atypical to hold the audience in such darkness. Looking forward to the next one, which focuses more on Tasha.

24. Damaged: A Violated Trust
A badly written YA novel; if you want to click the title, you can read my review at GoodReads. It was free on Amazon so at least I’m not regretting money spent, just time.

25. The Walking Dead Vol 15
Life sucks in the zombie apocalypse.

my read shelf:
J.'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

Book Update; entry 8

Full disclosure: I LOVED this book. Below is my GoodReads review of this book.

22. Joan of Arc
It’s going to be difficult for me to express exactly how much I loved every moment I spent reading this book, but I’ll try anyway. I had read that this was Twain’s favorite writing, and it shows. Every word, every phrase, every chapter is lovingly crafted. I have never read something that was so obviously adored by its creator as this. So rich is his description, I felt as if I were actually there, swept away by the tides of French history. The details were so well researched that Twain leaves no doubt that every breath is true.

Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc, by the Sieur Louis de Conte is a long and detailed telling of Joan’s life as remembered by her childhood friend (and eventual page). De Conte takes us through their shared childhood in Domremy, through her triumph across France to Rheims where the Dauphin is crowned, and to her eventual execution (and subsequent Retrial and Rehabilitation postmortem). It is a sad and uneasy tale, but through it all Joan shines purely and perfectly.

The appendix of this edition (by Ignatius Press) contains an essay written by Twain which basically summarizes the story of his novel, except that it is a recounting of his research of the events.

While his telling of this period of history is fictional, one could only hope to be remembered and loved so well as Joan is here.

my read shelf:
J.'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

Mother’s Day 2013

So this week has been kind of rough. Last Sunday, May 5th, was Mom’s 73rd birthday. Today was hard, being Mother’s Day and all. I have made it through just over six months without her. I still have the same hard questions that I couldn’t answer before when I was able to speak with her. I still don’t have answers. I still have the same fears and horrible thoughts. I still cry. A lot.

I really just wanted to skip the day today. But I had volunteered to read at church (what was I thinking), and so I went. Listening to the sermon was hard, mostly because it wasn’t what I wanted to be hearing because I am still hurting so much from missing her. But it made me think of all the things I can never ask her now. Things like, what did she think the moment she saw me for the first time. Any answer my dad gives me about it will be his memory, not hers. How can I approach motherhood in any way without her guidance? How can I approach my 40s and 50s (where she lost her own mother) without having any more time with her? How can I move past the fact that I am now the age she was when I was born; is my own best life expectancy only 36 more years?

I was just looking at the framed photo I have on my bookcase of my parents. How has it been so long since we spoke? I miss her so much, and today was really much worse than I could have anticipated. How am I even doing this? How am I going on? I’m afraid to even think about it.

National Day of Prayer

Today, May 2, is this year’s National Day of Prayer. Some people miss the point of the day, saying “shouldn’t you be praying all year ’round?” Well, yes, but this day, much like other “Days” is for a reflection on why we do what we do year ’round. You don’t celebrate Mother’s Day just that day and write her off for the rest of the year. You don’t take Presidents’ Day and not reflect on the leaders, both former and current, of our nation, and say screw ’em the rest of the year. (On second thought, most of you probably do say that…)

This Day was established in 1952 and is observed by many people across the nation, both those associated with a specific denomination and those not. For some people it’s a really big deal, and not for the same reasons… Some love it, and some hate it. I’ll let you figure out who is who here.

So why do we need such a day now? Reflect on the following recent headlines:

Pentagon: Proselytizing Punishable by Court-Martial

Kermit Gosnell Murder Trial: Deliberations go on in Pa. abortion doctor’s case, no verdict

Steve Smith, Ohio man convicted of killing 6-month-old Autumn Carter as he raped her, has been executed

I could go on, but really, with these horrors going on every day in our country, neglecting to mention those outside our borders that are no less horrific, is it any wonder that there needs to be a day to remember why we need to pray for our leaders who make laws on our behalf (whether we voted for them or not)? These are frightening times we live in, whether you believe in God or not. But it’s a lot easier to go through with His support.