Still chugging along. I think I can, I think I can…

I want to write rage filled posts. I want to force people to shut up. I want to just be left alone. And yet, no.

I’m tired. I’m still sad. I’m still mourning. I’m trying to move on and live.

The last few days, I’ve just wanted to cry. I’ve been crying, but it’s not enough. I miss my mom so much.

This week was my the forty seventh anniversary of my parents’ marriage. I have a couple of their wedding pictures in my bedroom, on the photo board. I love the way they look at each other. You can see how much they love each other. And my heart is broken because that’s gone.

For a while, I was doing ok. I was a little in awe of how we can get used to not having someone in our lives so suddenly. And then a week later, you can feel that hurt so acutely… it’s almost new. I can still feel that scream ripping out of my throat that morning, the waves of panic washing over me.

I still want to wake up and have all this be a nightmare. But I know I won’t.

4 Thoughts on “Still chugging along. I think I can, I think I can…

  1. This is my first time to your blog. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  2. Martin on July 12, 2013 at 7:16 PM said:

    Hi there from Austria!

    First I have to say sorry to post here. But I do not know how I can contact you.

    There is a page about Earthdawn at http://bertalanz.tripod.com/ED/disciplines.htm – and I like that work from that person but I have also some further questions….

    This person linked from his website to your website, so may I ask you if you know him (by facebook, e-mail, things like that)?

    Thank you,
    Martin

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